Patricia St. John - Questions People Ask

The material below is part of chapter 17 "Questions People Ask" in the book Patricia St. John Tells Her Own Story.

Is not that the heart and crux of all our work – all Christian witness worldwide – so to live day by day that those who watch us will say, ‘If that is Christianity, I want it’?

Not all contacts were so rewarding, and there were many discouragements and apparent failures. There were dark patches, struggles, times of bitterness and near despair; also apparently unreasonable physical attacks, which for me took the form of frequent migraine headaches. One of our number committed suicide. There was strong temptation to yield to discouragement and disappointment with our seemingly fruitless labour, to envy those in other parts of the world where churches were being formed and souls won for Christ. Were we wasting our lives? Had we mistaken our call? There were those apparently strong missionaries who returned home after a few years, exhausted by physical and emotional breakdown or simply through sheer discouragement.

I remember the unnatural attacks that seemed to fall on one small American mission whose activities counted for God and who dreamed of a radio programme. A young mother and her baby died in childbirth; a fine new young worker contracted polio and was permanently invalided home. A young son died, a baby died, another was born with brain damage, and a mother was so damaged by giving birth that she could never have another child. A husband was shot by thieves and suffered grave internal injuries, and later an only son of twenty who went back to the States to enter university was shot for his wallet containing a few dollars. In the end, as a mission they were all turned out of the country and again we asked, Why? Why? Only after many years did the reason for these fierce attacks become clear, for it was through their efforts and vision that Monte Carlo Radio, the transmitting station set up by Hitler to announce his victory over Europe, now beams the Gospel nightly into all the North African coastal countries.

To those of us struggling on against what seemed to us hopeless odds, the sense of failure could be crippling and the temptation to give up very strong. Also in a small, very hard-working community, in a very hot country, with the frustration of a difficult foreign language and little outlet beyond the confines of one’s job, the attacks on relationships could be deadly – and this in spite of the normal deep ties of fellowship.

But help was given. I remember the visit of a Swiss pastor, who spent his life going from mission station to mission station with a very simple message. No Christian can be possessed of an evil spirit (the Holy Spirit will never share His residence with a messenger of Satan), but in a Christless country where Christians have dared to launch an attack on enemy territory, the counter-attack will be strong and definite and the oppression of evil spirits should be quickly recognized. He urged us to give them their rightful names (pride, jealousy, resentment, discouragement, depression) and to seek out a group of trusted friends and ask their help in binding and rebuking that spirit or spirits by name and claiming the victory. Where we obeyed, situations were healed and relationships were restored.

So some of us learned the vital, soul-saving lesson of forgiveness. . . . Firstly to others. So often the supposed slight can be ridiculously small: a look or partially heard remark, a criticism repeated third hand, at the end of a long, exhausting day. Thus a nagging secret resentment is born and the enemy keeps it alive and blown up out of all proportion, to the detriment of health, happiness and effective service. We so often suffer because we cannot forgive or we cannot accept forgiveness, or sometimes a mixture of both. Secondly, we have to learn to forgive ourselves. The sense of failure, the deep discouragement, the feeling of guilt is very great. We tell ourselves missionaries should not fail or be discouraged.

We can forgive only by looking at the nature of God’s forgiveness.

(a) He delights to forgive (Mic. 7:18). We cherish our grudges and find it hard to be reconciled. It wounds our pride to take the first step, but the father on the housetop could not stop himself – he ran to pour forgiveness on the prodigal.

(b) His forgiveness always takes the initiative and our very repentance is the result of His seeking. He never says, ‘He was in the wrong; he should come to Me’. Rather the Shepherd took every step of the long road to forgiveness Himself, and the sheep never took one to meet Him. In fact he never took a step at all. The sheep was carried back on the tide of the Lord’s forgiveness.

(c) His forgiveness actively destroys the evil it forgives. It is so strong, so loving, so purifying that it actually cleanses the heart in which it operates, as light scatters darkness.

(d) His forgiveness forgets. When God pardons a sinner, He instantly sets him in unclouded, unbroken communion with Himself.

(e) His forgiveness sees us through the natural result of our failure. ‘I am with thee,’ said God to Jacob – ‘I will bring thee again’ (Gen. 28:15). We might say, ‘After all, he brought it on himself; he deserves all he gets’. Divine forgiveness saw him right through.

(f) Lastly, His forgiveness expresses itself. Many times doubt and a sense of strain drag on between two people who both long to be right with each other, because through shyness, fear or reserve neither can pluck up courage to discuss the matter. God on the other hand proclaims His forgiveness (Exod. 34:5-7).

(From A Missionary Muses on the Creed [now republished as Life Everlasting], pages 31-33)

So we learned to live as a loving, forgiving community of people of very varying ages, from very different backgrounds, but one family in our Lord Jesus, holding on to one another in love with the assurance that our labour was not in vain in the Lord.